I’ve put off writing for days. I can blame this procrastination on social media or laziness, but that would not be entirely honest. I’ve cleared my schedule and sat at my desk almost everyday for a month. I recorded my first video for this blog, and even wrote 500 words on the next piece. At the heart of my procrastination was fear. I’m not quite sure what Im afraid of. Yet nagging doubts swarm around my head: How can I change the world? Is my writing good enough to put out? What if I’m wrong? What if my argument isnt constructed well, what if it doesn’t cite or reference other writers? Worst of all for the performer in me, what if Im boring?
So every line I write was dragged back by these lassoes of fear. I read a post on the internet on a pottery class in which participants were divided into 2 groups. The first group was graded according to the quality of the work they did, while the second group was graded on the volume of work they produced, by weight. At the end of the course, the teacher found that the work of the second group was notjust more prolific, it was also of better quality than the first group. The post summarized it crisply: Do lots of shit. Some of that will turn out to be good shit.
In seeking to change the world I forgot about transforming my own life. In debate after debate, I keep saying that the world is made by our lived actions, that the way we live can create the world of our dreams. I forgot that the same holds true for my own life. As Krishnamurti said “You are the world.” My life can change radically through my daily actions and choices. I need to choose to put myself out there, to be torn apart,dismembered, mashed up. Its like when we take in food, we chew it up, tear it into little pieces, and only then can we extract nourishment from it. May the light of the mountains dispel my fear and yours!
Truthforce 